Balancing Scales

We have just got back from a camping trip to North East Yorkshire. We sampled the delights of Robin Hood’s Bay, Whitby, the Dales. It was majestically beautiful, impressive and charming. The weather was pretty good, the kids were happy and it was worth it just for that. Except that C and I were fucking uncomfortable for most of the time. A little strongly put I know, but age has unfortunately made such trips increasingly challenging. I love the idea of camping, the closeness to nature, the sheer beauty of the countryside, the fact that even teenagers have a sense of freedom and connection to the earth that almost no other holiday can manage. We can be a bit dirtier than usual - feral even - no-one cares, and the joys of eating messily and outdoors can be liberating. But the physical discomfort gets harder as you get older. Consider for example where to pitch the tent; do you do park near the loos? In which case the aroma and noise have to be managed - or far away - as we did this time, in which case the decision has to be made about whether to get up in the night or not. In my case I decided to drink less water (never a good idea) thus dealing with a raging thirst and potential headache in the morning. Then there was the sheer, bone-achingly cold nights. It was freezing. The kids seemed to be fine (heaven knows why as they are both as fit and sinewy as whippets with not an ounce of fat on them) but C and I were clinging to each other in a desperate attempt to keep the extremities warm. Actually we had no choice about the clinging to each other bit; we are comically opposite in stature - Big C is six foot four and I am five foot two. He is literally twice my weight, so lying on a blow up mattress means me falling down the slope onto him. It would have been amusing if we hadn’t felt like shit for most of the time. To top it all, there was a heavy thunderstorm on the second afternoon, which meant our youngest was washed out of his tent. ‘It’s fine’ we thought - ‘he can come in with us.’ And it was - except that it took two frickin’ days to dry everything out…

What a moaning Minnie I am. Here we are - being able to get away at a time of our choosing to a lovely part of the world and see the kids happy. But I’m not cross - not really - mainly because we had a choice about this. Many of you would reasonably ask why we chose to camp instead of renting a cottage and the answer is simple - we couldn’t afford it. Why not? Because we have chosen a lifestyle and a way of working that means there isn’t much spare income for holidays - and we have done so with our eyes open. Nobody made us do this.

I have read recently that one of the biggest keys to happiness is feeling you have choice; your work/life balance, the foods you eat, the amount of time you spend with your kids, the kind of exercise you want to do, where you want to live etc. Because C and I had our kids late in life, we thought about a lot of these issues before they were born and how we would like to exist as a family. We chose time over money and haven’t regretted it - hence being reluctant to complain when things don’t go quite according to plan. But balance - at least in the so-called developed world is something that is a continual and ongoing navigation. I have decided for example that the workplace - and I mean any workplace - needs to be as close to an equal distribution of men and women as possible. Their strengths and weaknesses balance each other out, and the atmosphere is freer, healthier and often kinder. When I was younger I remember visiting Loughborough University with my partner at the time and was shocked at the male/female ratio. It was something like eighty percent boys to twenty percent girls and you could feel the unhealthiness of this like a bad smell. Girls by turns were considered exotic, ugly, beautiful, mysterious, and total bitches by the boys. It lead to bad behaviour on all sides and left me feeling deeply uncomfortable about the state of the world if it is dominated by males. Oh wait…

…. There is such a long way to go before we can say the world isn’t dominated by men; it affects all of us on so many levels and in the minutiae of everything. Consider two small examples; I have noticed that the hi-hat pedal on a drum kit is too big for my foot. It is irritating because it doesn’t speak at times when I am trying to operate it. Why is this the case? Well because of course nobody considered when this was being designed that smaller feet (ie women’s mainly) would be using it. There is a drip drip effect of feeling unrecognised, undervalued, not noticed, not included. Of course it’s not a major issue and I have adapted. But it is undoubtedly a lack of balance that has caused this. Likewise with the car; why do I have such an emotional attachment to my crappy little car? Why the reluctance to get rid of it? Well because it fits. Instead of feeling as if I’m trying to manoeuvre a tank around, where I can barely see out, I have vision, the gearstick is reachable and the parking and steering are neat and tidy. Is it far fetched to say these are male/female issues? No I don’t think so. I know the perfectly innocent assumptions that men make about women in an unbalanced environment; I have three brothers, six brothers-in-law (yes I know) and two sons. I understand that they genuinely can’t empathise or even consider some of the every day and tiny issues that affect women and girls most days. Why would they? How can I expect my son to understand that the reason I have just snapped at him is because I have, earlier in the day had some sexist twat talk to me in a patronising manner. Or that - once again - I can’t reach the fucking top shelf in the supermarket even though I do the majority of the food shopping. These are tiny, unimportant events in themselves and I like to think of myself as a positive person. But they do add up - and can be fairly easily redressed.

Redressing the balance is something that will take decades - perhaps centuries to evolve. I leave you with a thought that came about with a lively discussion I had with my brother-in-law; in debating world events I suggested that if capitalism was generally agreed to be a better way for the world to exist (debatable in itself), then we must find a way of making it kinder, more caring, more inclusive, less brutal and aggressive. His answer was ‘don’t you think we would have already done that if it were possible?’ My answer? No actually. Considering we have automatically missed out fifty percent of the population (and let’s face it, probably much more than that), all of those creative and intelligent thinkers have been left out of the process and the shaping of the world. What a waste.

Uplifting music of the day: ‘Je Te Veux’ - composed by Erik Satie. This delightful waltz for piano never fails to make me smile. It is simply a happy piece for a happy day, somewhere in Monmartre amongst the cobbled streets and bohemian vibe.

Contemplative music of the day: ‘Gymnopedie no 2’ - also composed by Satie. Always a Francophile, I love everything about this gorgeous salon piano piece. Satie reminds me of a French Thelonius Monk in his quirkiness, and uncompromising artistic taste. And yet they have both written pieces that are simultaneously beautiful and like a breath of fresh air. Listen to whatever versions you like of these.