Superpower

One of the most pleasing aspects of ageing is the ability to stop, notice and be grateful.  In my case this is partly to do with our kids maturing, but it also appears to be a change in brain chemistry or something.  I heard a snatch of an item on radio 4 the other day which said as much, but sadly can’t reference it as I can’t remember where.  No matter, there does seem to be something about the passage of time which appears more and more remarkable; the coincidences and luck that have landed me here, the appreciation of things that to others are an ongoing, daily challenge - such as having a warm dry house, enough to eat, records, books and films to catch up on and daily choices which are literally first world problems and luxuries.  Then there are the increasingly frequent reminders of acquaintances becoming seriously ill or worse still - the grim reaper catching up with them.  It’s sobering and sad - but weirdly has produced a quiet thankfulness and serenity.  Is this prayerful?  Is this what is meant by that higher level of repose and nirvana?  I don’t know, but it might explain why some describe life as getting better and better, despite wearing out bodies.

Part of this stopping and noticing inevitably includes a degree of looking back, and lately - instead of embarrassment about what dickheads we all are in our teens and twenties - the current feelings are more forgiving and sentimental.  I would never for example as a younger person have been grateful for having six brothers and sisters, but now I am.  What’s more I think it is a superpower. What do multiple siblings give you?  Well firstly you are born into the knowledge that you are not the most significant thing in your parents’ eyes - you are merely one of several others who need to make their needs very clear - otherwise will be ignored.  You might get bored, but this would never be through lack of company; either through playing a game, walking home from school, or more likely finding someone to pick a fight with.  You quickly learn the importance of teamwork and/or collective punishment - even if that may seem grossly unfair and upsetting. You learn to value those very quiet moments when you can listen or think uninterrupted. You learn that robust debate isn’t something to be personally offended by (although it can be offensive) and that resolution after an argument is a natural and normal thing to do - even if that fight was fierce.  All of those things are valuable life lessons and perhaps something we should consider more for children today (have we gone too far down the child-centred route I wonder?).  But actually the real super-power is the ability to shut out distraction.

The Distraction Epidemic is continually poised to drag us away from the task in hand and I am as guilty as anyone of allowing the drip drip of drivel on my phone or laptop to take over.  Twenty four hour screen time allows us to waste hours, days, weeks at a time and usually emerge angrier, more depressed and with a sense of uselessness and restlessness.  We know however that prizing yourself away from this means there is so much more of life to be enjoyed - and practising switching off that winking, blinking, pinging fucking irritation is an ongoing challenge.  But the ability to shut out distraction isn’t merely switching off your phone - it’s the ability to tune out other noise and focus on your own thoughts.  Big C for example doesn’t understand why I can go to the gym and not be irritated by the absolute bollocks sound track that is on an endless loop in the background.  I will at some point write a whole post on this awfulness, but I wanted to make the point that I simply stop listening to it.  I tune it out.  I have been able to do this since I was small and I’m certain being one of many has helped.  I have clear memories of being told off at school because I had been reading a book and had not noticed everyone had got up and put their chairs on the table.  I have numerous clear memories of being able to listen to a recording deeply, despite distractions around me.  Whilst silence is golden, it isn’t necessary - I’m currently writing this with builders crashing around and swearing a lot next door.  It’s fine.  I recognised with amusement the Kanneh-Mason family (super-power, super-brilliant musical family for those that don’t know) all practising at once in their large family home.  Silence would have been impossible - and quite likely a little spooky and weird. They have learned to shut out all but their own practice and they do it with ease.

Does this ease allow you to be a calmer person?  Probably not, but it does allow you to have a greater sense of perspective, possibly a greater ability to let trivialities go, a strong sense that you are not very important (which, believe me is liberating), and the opportunity for rare but incredibly noisy get togethers, filling restaurants and village halls.  It feels protective and powerful - and I wouldn’t change it.

Uplifting music of the day: ‘Nutty’ as performed by Thelonius Monk and John Coltrane.  It is typically quirky and and angular playing by Monk, who was one of those rare musicians who didn’t give a shit what anyone thought and pretty much conducted his whole career without compromise.  Likewise Trane, but his mission was deeply spiritual and obsessive right until the end.

Contemplative music of the day: ‘Moody’s Mood’ as recorded by George Benson on his ‘Give Me The Night’ album. This album is quite a long way from the sort of thing I would listen to at this time of the year; it feels sunny, probably LA (though I tend to think of London), optimistic and beautiful.  But this particular track, apart from being unbelievably classy can also have the effect of being cosy and warm.  Produced by Quincy Jones of course.

Book: ‘Life Isn’t All Ha Ha Hee Hee’ by Meera Syal.  I picked this book up in a charity shop, wasn’t sure if I could be bothered to read it and can happily report that it has been a delight.  The story is funny, touching and fast-paced and Syal uses such beautiful language.  I will seek out more of her work.