Brassknobs and Broomsticks

It has often been assumed that brass players and percussionists are the most unmusical and least educated members of the musical diaspora. That’s putting it politely.

Actually I have never particularly minded this label; for a start there is a grain of truth in it (I am yet to hear a percussionist discussing Schenkerian analysis for example; somebody would probably punch them if they did). Percussionists are more likely to have been raised on funk grooves than Brahms, rock rhythms than Schubert. Their musical education is likely to have had depth - sure - but the very nature of all things you hit, scrape or shake will mean that they have to have a broader range of skills; are literally required to play more instruments and will far more often have to wing it. A degree of improvisation has to be part of their DNA and their thinking requires speedy decisions rather than an in-depth exploration of the recapitulation. Or whatever.

The unmusical label is trickier to handle but is at least something you can shock people with. There have been far more examples of this than I could possibIy list here but here are two passing but truthful illustrations: Firstly, in my questioning the interval of a tri-tone at a rehearsal my (wind playing) colleague was stunned into silence. Pleasingly he had the presence of mind to make a joke of it; ‘a percussionist with an ear - how dare you!’ The second was with a dreadful conductor who when questioned by me over the second violins persistently playing wrong accidentals in the middle of a texture had no response at all - except for ‘errrr……’ and a hasty retreat. I wasn’t being deliberately malevolent - just irritated at the sloppiness of this and was struggling to tune the timps because of it. Actually, malevolence, with a sniff of irony can be really funny. Percussionists can be spectacularly cruel to each other; lateness would be greeted with ‘where the fuck have you been?,’ a mistake with a straightforward ‘that was shit,’ and sometimes - joy of joys - a deliberate encouragement to come crashing in in the wrong place - on the loudest instrument available.

My point is really that there can be terribly lazy assumptions about fellow musicians - I have of course noticed this with percussionists more than anyone else, but brass players get similar treatment. All too often I have seen musical directors stand at the front and say ‘I know nothing about percussion’ - not with embarrassment - but with pride. The trouble with such ignorance is that crazy expectations are made of the players; you can’t start a rehearsal expecting brass players to pick high or pianissimo notes out of the air unless they have had plenty of time for warm-up - that is a physical necessity. You can’t start a rehearsal in a ‘tutti’ section with percussionists on several different instruments if they haven’t yet worked out the distribution of parts, sticks, instruments and hadn’t been told of the repertoire beforehand. Perhaps the most infuriating example of staggering stupidity however was an examiner - who confessed to me that most of his colleagues didn’t know how to mark percussionists ‘so just mark the rhythms.’ Excuse me? Just think about that statement for a minute. Take, say a grade 6 examinee who has prepared a piece on xylophone. They will have discussed the type of sticks most appropriate for the piece and it’s style. They will - with their teacher - also have looked at dynamics - just like a pianist, tone - just like a pianist, phrasing - JUST LIKE A PIANIST. Arsehole. How dare you treat my students with such casual indifference, and how dare you assume that I won’t notice?

I do very little percussion playing these days; lots of other musical projects to pursue and too little time to do anything. I miss the banter and my foul-mouthed mates. I miss the opportunity to beat the crap out of an instrument. I miss the lightening-quick thinking required and the huge shot of adrenaline that accompanies it. But I don’t miss the need to set up truck loads of gear. I don’t miss the requirement to sit there for four hundred bars rest and then come in perfectly. And I don’t miss the assumption that I’m as thick as shit.

Uplifting music of the day: ‘The Rocker’ - Thin Lizzy. I love this piece. There is something in these tight, hard, seventies rock bands that screams pent-up energy. I realise however that this may be a little strong for some tastes so I also give you…..

‘Captain Bill’ from the Gene Harris All-Star Big Band ‘Tribute to Count Basie’ album. This track swings so hard that I swear you can see steam coming off it. The rhythm section is unsurpassed; Gene Harris on piano, Herb Ellis on guitar, Ray Brown on bass and Jeff Hamilton on drums. Nothing more needs to be said.

Contemplative music of the day: ‘Sarah’ - Thin Lizzy. There is something deeply musical in Phil Lynott’s voice. He co-wrote this song and again has the totally natural sense of phrasing that I keep talking about. Light and shade, melancholy and of course a great sense of timing come very easily to him. Check it out.