Resilience

Daring to hope that spring is around the corner, this winter has been especially for hard for some.  Illnesses abound, it is peak time for deaths, divorces, depression and any number of connected ailments.  Even in times of global warming, which has very obviously accelerated in recent years, the lack of light is trying for all of us.  Of course spring and the summer feel all the sweeter for it, and personally I still like the changes of the seasons.  Most of us however would like the winter to be shorter and anticipate with maddening restlessness the first sun rays to start warming our bones.  And yet… there is something magical and rewarding about having to wait; it teaches us patience, anticipation, resilience.

I sometimes fear that Gen Z aren’t resilient enough; I’m not about to bash them and say how spoilt they are - heaven knows challenges lie ahead for them.  But the tendency to over-emphasise or indeed over-medicalise normal human inconveniences bothers me sometimes.  I am well aware that below the age of about thirty we are all fairly self-obsessed and that seems fine to me.  The frontal lobe isn’t fully formed until our late twenties and that search for self identity is understandable.  But here are a couple of real examples of inappropriate inward-looking behaviour.  The first is of a young person demanding a (paid) day off to have a tattoo done ‘for my mental health.’  I gather the employer was worried about their brand and actually let them get away with this bullshit.  Of course the long-term implications for both parties are not optimistic; no life lessons learned for the young person and an employer tying themselves in knots over fear of toxic branding.  The second example is of a young person characterising first day nerves as ‘social anxiety.’  It isn’t - it’s a natural response to new surroundings. Rather than mocking this behaviour (though it’s tempting) I’m more inclined to try and ensure - through motherhood and teaching - that stoicism is naturally built into child-rearing.  As a musician you would expect me to say that one of the strongest areas for teaching this is in music - and I have pushed this hard with my two.

It is natural for parents to emphasise the parts of child-rearing that they are most interested in; for some it may be a love of maths or puzzles, others wildlife, crafts, gardening or whatever.  All of those have value and it is lovely to see kids sharing some of these things with their parents. My kids were never going to have a choice about being active in music; I figured that all parents emphasise subjects that they think are important and I make no apology for this.  Some for example bring up their children in religion, others emphasise sport, and most emphasise that there isn’t a lot of choice about school attendance.  In other words - you have to lump it.  You may not want to learn maths or indeed learn to read but parents don’t ask their children if they would like to do these things - they understand that children cannot possibly make an informed choice about pretty much anything.  We have to make those decisions for them.  So far, so obvious but I have often been amazed at the amount of people who said to me ‘but what if your child doesn’t want to (name activity)?  My answer is how can they possibly know?  Of course instinct matters, but there is a great big world out there to try all sorts of new and exciting things and as a parent I am going to make a decision on their behalf about what is appropriate.  But the next bit - and this is by far the hardest - is keeping children at something in which they are either plateauing or finding tedious.  With a tiny number of exceptions, learning an instrument inevitably brings this about and it requires skill and resilience to keep going.  My children absolutely have had these phases (with other hobbies as well as music) and the answer has always been the same; yes - this phase is hard, but you won’t get anything out of it if you don’t put anything into it.  Don’t get me wrong - I’m not a complete bastard - of course all hurdles need to be navigated with love, empathy and compromise, and there has been plenty of that.  There has also been cajoling, bribery and shouting.  But the need to try and do something well needs to be emphasised - even if the kids don’t understand the reward yet.

Understanding that rewards come about through repetition, endurance and yes -boredom is an essential life lesson. Research shows that creativity often emerges as a result of boredom, but also those that  have the forbearance to stick at something usually manage life better. Think of all those scales, the listening and the self-assessment that is continually going on when learning an instrument. Even at the most basic level, working out your own weaknesses and trying to correct them is an essential part of instrument learning.  Other activities contain these life lessons as well of course (the relentlessness of sport practice springs to mind) but music is the only one that tackles all areas of the mind and body.  A quick list of the benefits are;  abstract thinking skills, enhancement of brain functions required for maths, improved motor skills, improved language, higher self esteem, reduction of stress and anxiety, improvement of social cohesiveness and team work.  There are now hundreds of studies on the benefits of music to child maturation and I am always surprised that people are surprised by this. Isn’t it obvious?

Clearly the obvious evidence of this hasn’t yet reached national government or even local education authorities.  And yet… I seem to be sniffing a change in the air.  It could be that there are now far more at the highest levels of government who actually benefitted from from music funding forty years ago.  Or it might be that evidence demonstrating the benefits of a music education are simply too overwhelming to ignore.  Either way, I dare to hope that the tide might be turning.  I hope so.  That is after all what gave us Gen Xers unquantifiable enrichment in our lives and careers.

Uplifting music of the day - ‘Cello Song’ by Nick Drake.  Somebody mentioned Nick Drake the other day on the radio and it reminded me that I haven’t listened to any of his music for ages.  This is the sound world of my childhood; we used to go to something called ‘folk mass’ on Sunday mornings.  Some of it was absolute dross, but some was musical, sincere and uplifting.  It makes me feel dreamily nostalgic.

Contemplative music of the day - Ravel’s piano concerto for the left hand.  This astounding work was commissioned by Paul Wittgenstein, a concert pianist who lost his right arm in the First World War. The elements of surprise are numerous; firstly that such a coherent piece could be written for a one-handed pianist.  But also that such a complex piece could be played on only one side - it frankly doesn’t sound technically possible.  On top of that, there is all the usual joy of Ravel (for me anyway).  That early twentieth century music is exactly my taste.